Although totally unplanned, this is the best place to start my Blog.
You see, about 8 months ago, I had no idea who I was and was blindly sleepwalking through my life. I had muted the world for a very long time and was just existing really. Little did I know I was about to get a rather rude awakening.
I had just given birth to my son, and was in the throws of new parenthood and all its scary exhaustion. So I didn’t expect for my marriage to fall apart (even though things hadn’t been right for a long time), or to end up on my own with a newborn and a 3.5 year old.
But here’s the thing. It was the best thing that could have happened. I woke up. I started FEELING again. I bought a journal and started writing poetry again. I started listening to music again. I slowly but surely started to discover who I was again. I started to find my TRUE SELF.
Since then, I have been on a personal and professional journey of transformation. The goal? To reclaim who I really am and fulfill my true purpose, to help women just like me transform their life and business to one they love. To help women stop sleep walking and start LIVING.
You might currently be at a point in your own life where you know there is something inside you that is made for more, or perhaps you might think everything is ok on the surface but deep down something doesn’t feel right. You might have woken up and want to take action, or you might be already taking steps towards a life that you want. Wherever you are on your journey I want to welcome you with a big warm hug. You are made for amazing things, you DO have a unique gift to give to the world. You are beautiful and wise. If you aren’t sure of any of that then keep reading!
I will be exploring the subject in lots of detail over future blogs and vlogs, but for now, here is a summary of 5 ways you can start to find out who you really are.
1. Get out of your head
You may or may not be aware that the endless chatter that you experience on a daily basis isn’t actually you. It is your thoughts, your beliefs, your feelings, but not you. To help with this, think of your mind like a boat bobbing on the surface of the sea, and your true self as the anchor, firmly rooted into the seabed below. Your thoughts and feelings can be chopped and changed, just like a weather pattern affects the sea, but your true self will always remain solid. Getting ‘out of your head’ takes practice, however the best way to start connecting with you, is to start practising Mindfulness. I recommend the book Mindfulness by Danny Penman to get you going.
2. Go on a date with yourself
This might sound odd, but developing a relationship with you is the best way to start to discover who you really are. So schedule some time when you can be alone and take yourself out somewhere. It could be a coffee shop, spa, walk in the woods, wherever you feel comfortable. Then crack open a new journal and start to ask yourself ‘who am I?’
Who are you when you are at your best?
When you are doing something you enjoy?
What were you like when you were 10?
What are you like when no one is watching?
It is a great exercise for reconnecting with all that you are.
3. Establish your needs
A big reason why I lost who I was, was due to pushing my needs way down. This was a result of the dynamic in my marriage, and having children. As mothers, our needs often come last because we are the primary carer. Our identity is now just ‘Mum’ and we lose ourselves even more.
A great way to change this is to establish what your needs are, and put a plan in place to get them met. You are important and you do matter. You are an equal human being on this planet and you need to be nourished and fulfilled!
- What do I need? (an example might be time alone, time with friends, time to read.)
- What does that give me? (an example might be energy, mental stimulation, relaxation.)
Asking that they are met is an important part of any relationship
. It isn’t a demand, rather than a request that can be negotiated. It is something that I had stopped doing completely, and was crucial in taking steps to find myself again. Get out your journal and list them all out, don’t worry about feeling guilty or indulgent, you have a right to get all your needs met!
4. Identify Core Values
After you have established your needs, it’s time to look at your foundations. What values you live your life by. A way to start to think about your values is times in your life when someone did something that really didn’t feel right to you. Perhaps it felt like they had crossed an inner boundary. They may have lied, or been rude. So honesty and respect might be really important to you. Conversely think of times when things have happened that make you feel very happy and connected to other people, where you might have established common ground. Perhaps fun is really important to you. Also think about ideal values that are important to you that you desire, such as freedom and courage. A list of about 10/15 core values is a great foundation. Once you are clear on these it is so much easier to make decisions, and do things that are right for YOU.
5. Rewire beliefs that don’t serve you
Although beliefs are technically ‘in your head’ it is still important to reframe any beliefs that don’t serve your true self or what you dream to achieve. A great way to do this is to start by listing all the beliefs you currently have that don’t make you feel good about yourself. Examples of mine were ‘I’m not worthy’, ‘I don’t know anything’, ‘I’m not enough’. Journal a little around what evidence you have that this is true, and what if the opposite were true.
Next, write down a new belief that does serve you. So ‘I am worthy’, ‘I am wise’, ‘I am more than enough’.
Finally, write an affirmation and find ways to recite the affirmation daily. Mine are ‘People look to me for expertise and support, I am worthy.’ ‘I have everything within me to be mighty and successful’ and ‘I am enough, I am complete, I am whole’. Set reminders on your phone and recite them every day. Doing so rewires the brain and forms new neural pathways!
These five steps can go along way in peeling back the layers to your true and solid self, an ever-fixed anchor that is pure, beautiful and wise. Wherever you are on your journey I salute you. It isn’t always easy to become aware, but I promise it is the best thing that will happen to you.
If you would like a safe space to explore this in more detail then I’d love to speak with you. Click here to schedule your FREE 45 minute clarity call, where I will gently turn your awareness within and start a journey of magnificent discovery.