When I completed my NLP qualification early in my career, one core principle reshaped how I understood people: “The map is not the territory.”
We each navigate the world through a deeply personal lens, shaped by our experiences, values, and biases.
As a naturally empathetic person, understanding other people’s maps came easily. I could walk into a room, step into someone else’s shoes, read between the lines, and build immediate trust. It became the foundation of my leadership and coaching approach.
Then came the hard lesson: any strength, when overused, becomes a weakness.
The Cost of Overplayed Empathy
When empathy is dialed up too high, you risk losing your own position. For a good few years, my high empathy translated into leadership blind spots:
- Failing to set boundaries: Prioritising others’ comfort over necessary limits.
- Avoiding healthy conflict: Staying silent when a direct, challenging conversation was required.
- Over-accommodating: Saying “yes” to keep alignment when the strategic answer was “no.”
In attempting to hold space for everyone else’s point of view, I frequently forfeited my own.
Navigating Different “Maps” in Leadership
Keeping a strength in “peak”, neither underused nor overplayed, is one of the hardest parts of leadership.
It becomes especially challenging when working with team members or peers who lack perspective-taking skills, people who can only see the world through their own narrow map. But as leaders, we can’t control how absorbed others are in their own viewpoint. We can only govern our own approach.
Finding the Sweet Spot
Leading effectively is all about regulation.
- Underuse a strength, and you lose your competitive edge.
- Overplay a strength, and it becomes your Achilles’ heel.
I still lead with empathy today. It has defined my career, built my business, and allowed me to connect deeply with clients. But today, that empathy is anchored by clear boundaries, self-advocacy, and the courage to hold my ground.
Uncovering Your Leadership Blind Spots
This is where true executive development happens. In my executive coaching, I regularly dive into the “dark side” of leadership using the Hogan suite. Together, we look at the whole picture, including those ingrained derailers and overused strengths that quietly hold high performers back.
Which of your key leadership strengths has a habit of working against you when overused? How do you keep it in its sweet spot?
If you’d like to identify what those patterns are for you, and actively rewire your behaviours to unlock your next level of growth, shoot me a DM. Let’s explore how we can ensure your strengths work for you, not against you.
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